By Sam Reeves

I mean, it worked for Reynaldo Lopez, could it work for other struggling pitchers in the the Sox organization? There are several factors that helped in Reynaldo Lopez’s improvements last season, but Lasik eye surgery has to be the top contributor. Ethan Katz isn’t THAT good at his job. If he was good at his job then Dallas Keuchel wouldn’t be so bad, right? This isn’t about Ethan Katz, this is about Lasik, stay on topic, Sam.

Anyway, Google tells me “LASIK or Lasik, commonly referred to as laser eye surgery or laser vision correction, is a type of refractive surgery for the correction of myopia, hyperopia, and an actual cure for astigmatism, since it is in the cornea.” Which, in stupid people terms means, it helps you see better when you can’t see too good. Other notable players to have had LASIK and improve include Wilson Ramos, Hall of Famer Jeff Bagwell, and Hall of Famer Greg Maddux. I mean, not saying LASIK will make you a Hall of Fame baseball player, but the evidence is hard to dispute given two players I listed are in the Hall of Fame.

This doesn’t only have to be pitcher specific, I’m sure there are some hitters who could benefit from LASIK. It could help Eloy and Jose lay off those darting sliders they always whiff on. It could help Luis Robert not take a fly ball of his head, and maybe help Micker Adolfo with his absurdly high K rate. There are players who rave about its effects, post procedure, so why aren’t their teammates listening to them? What are they afraid of, success?

You’d have to believe someone like Yasmani Grandal had LASIK done, because how else does he see these pitches well enough to take walks? Then there are others like Mike Trout, Juan Soto, Shohei Ohtani, who see the ball so well that they can hit it whenever they want. Pretty soon MLB will crack down on LASIK surgery like they did Spider Tack and steroids. Can’t have players get that competitive advantage and make baseball any more fun. Its malarkey, I tell ya! Anyway, the White Sox should make LASIK as mandatory as they did the COVID vaccinations. You wanna talk about a 162-0 and 11-0 postseason run? I think Jerry Reinsdorf should make it happen, for the sake of the fans.

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