By Sam Reeves

Whether it’s an article of clothing or a game where you ride a horse, it’s stupidly named. That’s right, I am talking about Polo. What in the hell is Polo and why on earth is it named that? My own knowledge is that Polo is a game where you wear a full horse jockey outfit, have a weird looking club, and hit a ball while riding a horse. I have no idea how accurate that is, but knowing me it’s probably very inaccurate.

Oh, I looked it up just now and I was actually spot on. I am a genius yet again!

Polo was started a ridiculously long time ago as a way to train cavalry to ride horses. Its nickname is: “The Sport of Kings,” which seems a little extreme. It is a spectator sport for equestrians (fancy name for horse enthusiasts) and “high society” members. So it’s a game for rich douchebags to observe. That’s pretty neat.

Wikipedia, the source of all the world’s best information, states it started in Iran. Other factions say modern Polo started in India and Britain. The name “Polo” was derived from the wooden ball that was used called a Pulu.

Polo is played with four horses per side, with the player trying to hit the ball with the mallet into the other teams goal. The rules of the game vary by location and country it is played in.

I did a lot of light skimming on this topic because I didn’t expect it to be more than a couple of paragraphs.

They have specially trained ponies for this game, and some high level matches all across the world-inside arenas, outdoor fields, and some just on farms. There are officials just like any other sport to moderate the game. So it’s apparently pretty legitimate.

Now this is where I turn the game upside down and give it my own spin. If you have read the previous two articles from this series, you know it’s about to get real stupid. I am only about changing the name of things, not changing the game itself. That’s for the White Sox to fail at, hey oh!

So you have ponies, mallets, a hard ball, and jockey uniforms. You hit the ball with the mallet while on horseback, and try to score. Personally I would call this game Horseback Whack. To be honest, I always thought croquet was the same thing as Polo, until they brought ponies into it. This name of Polo does make sense since it’s derived from a name of a piece of the equipment. Although overall it’s a ridiculously dumb name for this game.

Imagine it being called Horseback Whack, you would see that passing through and wonder to yourself “what the heck is this” and be enthralled. It would be much more fun to market to non “high society” people. I know I said I am not about changing rules, but allowing players to knock each other off their horses would be super fun. We can make that in Extreme Horseback Whack. I’m sure that is played in some billionaires backyard illegally, but I’m not gonna say that in a public platform like this. Oops.

Horseback Whack implies what they are doing while playing the game. They are on horseback, and they are whacking a ball. I mean they could be whacking it on horseback but I am for sure PETA would shut that down real quick; as would any sane person, but I digress. The name is the game people. You need it to be attention-grabbing and sensible. Polo is neither of those things as it doesn’t give you any insight as to what you are about to witness. Again, I am just an idea man. I know nothing of substance except how to make things stupid. With that thought, I am done with this article. Stay tuned for more from this series and as always thank you for reading.