Need to sell your sports team but not ready to retire? Consider the following:

Jerry Reinsdorf is 86 years old, and I know that you are just as tired of him owning both the Bulls and the White Sox as I am. Now, 86 or not, he clearly is not ready to retire, so instead of suggesting he step down as the chairman to live out his days in sunny Florida, I would like to suggest some career shifts.

1. Astronaut

Let’s send Jerry to the moon. He made some money while owning these sports teams, and I hear that people are now selling trips to space. Zero gravity seems very stress relieving, and maybe seeing Earth from a new perspective would allow him to reflect on his last 30+ years of ownership. Plus, if you are not in the atmosphere, can you really be thinking about silly sports?

2. Boat Captain

Have you seen Below Deck? I think Jerry takes his earnings, buys a big boat, and charters it somewhere in the Mediterranean. He can continue to hang out with rich people, make money, and be somewhere warm. I hope he pays for good boat lessons. God forbid he got lost at sea.

3. Chick-fil-a Employee

Okay, so they’re problematic. Jerry would fit right in! I don’t have much to say about this career change other than that I think the concept of Mr. Reinsdorf telling me it’s his pleasure to serve me is hilarious.

4. Movie Theater Employee

All those years of watching people scan tickets and work concessions are about to pay off. I imagine this is a job at the ballpark Jerry always secretly admired and thought it would be fun to give it a try. He would scan people’s tickets and tell folks in that old man tone to “sit back and enjoy the ride.” Patrons would only be slightly confused when they realize he’s talking about a movie and not alluding to anything else.

5. Landscaper

The Sodfather has been on the South Side for a very long time. I would venture to guess that Jerry has strolled down to the field once or twice to chat him up. With all the information he has picked up over the years, he would make the perfect landscaper and lawn maintenance man. Is this job a little labor-some? Maybe? I did not say all of these jobs would be age appropriate.

On the off chance that Jerry never decides to retire, he can just ignore these suggestions, but I encourage you all to keep brainstorming. You never know when he might call it a day.