Trust us here, these events actually happened.

The 2022 White Sox were largely a team to forget after such an abysmal season. Because of this, the offseason was welcomed by many as a way to put them on the back-burner and focus on other hobbies. Some of our favorite Sox players surprisingly also have hobbies outside of baseball, and we’re going to take a dive into how they spent their time before prepping for spring training.

Lucas Giolito

Noted fake liberal Lucas Giolito needed to clear his mind and put 2022 behind him after a nearly 5.00 ERA season. What better way to do so than by rescuing cats on beaches? Giolito’s wife recently graduated vet school, so clearly animals are very important to them both. Beaches can be very wet, something cats prefer to not be, so Lucas was really putting others first here. Hopefully he can keep players off first in 2023.

Lance Lynn

After an uncharacteristically short season starting only 21 games in 2022, Lance felt like he needed to find a way to really show people who he is all about since he wasn’t able to in his starts. That’s why it makes complete sense that Lance would become a tattoo apprentice. He really wanted to put his creative abilities on display. Here, we can see his first day in the studio where he was sworn in with a piece of his own.

Dylan Cease

Cease had a wonderful 2022-a rare occurrence when thinking about this White Sox team. When things are going well, we typically don’t change much of our routine. Dylan Cease is not like regular folks though, so his offseason was clearly spent challenging himself and seeing what he is capable of. That is why he was most definitely adopting all the cats Lucas Gioltio rescued off the beaches. We admire his selflessness and interest in expanding his family.

Tim Anderson

Similar to Lance, Tim Anderson also had a shortened season, playing less than 100 games for the first time since his rookie year. When players are sidelined due to injury, they have more time to ponder life’s mysteries. That’s why it’s easy to see that Tim dove into being a street poet. Take a look at his Twitter page and you’ll see several examples of his work. We support you, Tim.

Eloy Jimenez

Being another White Sox player who suffered from the injury bug-it’s clear Eloy Jiménez needed to focus on safety. That’s why it’s 100% sure fire that Eloy did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING fun this offseason because if he did anything at all he would be injured. He did master wrapping himself in bubble tape to ensure he would be ready to go for Opening Day, though. We can only hope it worked.

2023 is shaping up to be another lackluster year, but lets hope these offseason hobbies that definitely happened have the boys ready to go!