By: Jacki

This week, Major League Baseball’s Joint Competition Committee voted unanimously to make the extra-inning “ghost runner” rule permanent in regular season games. Just in case you’re not a baseball fan or are otherwise unfamiliar with the rule, the ghost runner rule puts a free runner – usually, the player who made the last out the inning before – on second base to start the half inning. It’s meant to make scoring easier and to end games quicker.

Many purists are clutching their pearls, but personally, I don’t mind the rule. Speaking as a fan of a team riddled with injury last season, I think less time on the field over the course of 162 games will benefit everyone.

But the whole thing got me thinking – what if the ghost runners used each half inning were ACTUALLY ghosts? Let’s break it down.

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Shoeless Joe Jackson

This is the obvious choice. He was a ballplayer. He knew the game, and he was GOOD. We’re talking about a 170 OPS+ player. And the dude could RUN. In 13 seasons, he stole 202 bases. While he was living, he was the first player in the American League to steal home twice in one game. If I have to choose a ghost to be my ghost runner, there’s no debate – it’s gotta be Shoeless Joe.

The Pac Man Ghosts

I don’t understand these ghosts’ movement algorithms, but they all seemingly have piss poor sense of direction. I wouldn’t trust them to stay in the infield, let alone the basepaths. And I can’t be sure that José Altuve wouldn’t just keep a few power pellets in his pockets, turning the ghost runners into a pair of eyes and rendering them useless. You could maybe put some cherries at home plate and see if that helps, but I still wouldn’t put any trust in these ghost runners.

Papa Emeritus IV

Look, I saw this dude throw out the first pitch at a White Sox game last year, and he got most of the plate, so I think he’s got some general baseball skill. And his band Ghost is constantly touring, so, he’s got to have at least some kind of stamina. Plus, he looks pretty lanky, so I’ll bet with a little bit of coaching, he’d be a good option as a ghost runner.

Resurrection Mary

No.

That lady ain’t never made it home ONCE.

Terrible ghost runner.

0/10.

Betelgeuse

This is a mixed bag. Betelgeuse has some skills that would be pretty intimidating on the base paths. Come on – teleportation?! But he’s also extremely slimy and self-serving, so I don’t trust him to make team-based decisions. Would definitely run right past a stop sign from a third base coach. And, not for nothing, but I also don’t trust non-Batman Michael Keaton, just as a general rule.

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What ghosts do you think would be good (or bad) ghost runners? Let us know in the comments!