By Kristina Airdo
MLB is officially halfway through the season, and as a White Sox fan and someone who willingly covers the team in my free time, I’m extremely pumped for the All-Star Break – the White Sox can’t hurt me when they don’t play!
I could probably write 1,000 words about how stupid fan voting is for the All-Star Game, but instead, we’re going to focus on the Home Run Derby. There’s a star-studded lineup for tonight’s slugging competition that is jam packed with raw power and talent, but those player characteristics aren’t really the focus this piece.
I decided to ask our All Sports Scene (ASS) crew who their picks were for Monday’s Derby champion, and naturally, most of them have nothing to do with their actual baseball performance.
Jordan (@flannelGoddess) Feels that Pete Alonso is going to once again be crowned the winner this year, motivated by the need to win the $1,000,000 prize to pay off some debts with the mafia. Perhaps even more specifically, the Polar Bear Mafia (IYKYK). We’d highly recommend not asking for details on the debts.
ASS Queen, Celeste Spaghetti (@C_spaghett1) is taking a sleeper in the HR Derby, Adolis García, simply because his name is one letter off from “Adonis”. If Adolis ends up emitting Greek God vibes, sadly, it’s all over for you hoes (except you, Dadley <3).
In a similar, less naked and more rational, selection, Al (@baseballgalal) is also choosing Adolis García. Earlier this year (on my birthday!!) García blasted three bombs in three straight at-bats. That’s some crazy shit I’m not even sure we’ve seen Ohtani do. Celeste and Al might be on to something here.
Chi Rox (@chi_rox_) selects Vladimir Guerrero Jr., for a simple reason: Vladdy can hit the shit out of the ball and has an elite dumper. Where else do you think he get’s all the power from?
(I’ll see myself out)
On to the ASS King, Sam (@SamR33v3s) went through a lot of analysis for his pick: Randy Arozarena. Why? Because a mf like Randy needs a win, damn it. Setting the over/under for 10 on how many times he will cross his arms.
Steve (@stevekniss), Jacki (@Zombie_Jacki), and myself (@liddle_ktina) are all going with our (Chicago’s) hometown hero, Luis Robert Jr. As a fellow depressed White Sox fan, Steve is picking Robert because we (Sox fans) deserve SOMETHING, anything fun to remember about this season.
Jacki is picking Luis Robert, Jr. basically because she bet on him the day of. Hooray for sports betting!
Colleen (@ColMarie21) is taking a smol page of out Chi Roxy’s playbook, and selecting Luis for one reason, and one reason only: his beautiful booty. 🍑
I am going with Luis Robert Jr. yes, for the reason above, but also for his love for Domino’s. After seeing plenty of in-person moonshots at Guaranteed Rate Field this year, it’s clear that the Domino’s helps fuel him, as it doesn’t even look like he has to put much effort into launching a ball to the concourse. His homer the other day was so glorious, even he stopped to fangirl over it a little bit before running the bases.
Stoop Kiid (@stoopkid93) didn’t technically select anyone – but his long time White Sox fandom has ruined his sense of optimism, so he just thinks that Luis Robert Jr. is going to injure himself by swinging too hard. Boooooo this man (Stoop).
There you have it folks, top insider analysis from the team at ASS. We’re sure to see plenty of bombs tonight, but be sure to let us know who your pick is!
All Sports Scene 
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