Month: September 2023
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BREAKING: List of Items Recovered from Halas Hall Raid
Sept. 20, 2023, 5:22 pm CST By: Celeste Spaghetti (@SpaghettiC11)/Liddle Tina (@liddle_ktina) CHICAGO – Amidst a day of chaos for the Chicago Bears, rumor has it the FBI raided the Bears’ headquarters at Halas Hall in connection with recently-resigned defensive coordinator Alan Williams. While the rumors have been adamantly denied by the Bears organization, ASS…
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Bear Down: Predictions for the 2023 Chicago Bears’ Season
By: Big Daddy Jamba (@jaquilleoneal04) CHICAGO – Week one of the 2023 NFL season is complete, and it seems that the 2023 Chicago Bears are essentially the 2022 Chicago Bears, but this time with more imminent disappointment. On the bright side, the NFL scriptwriters are still hard at work ensuring an entertaining season for all…
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Is This the World’s Worst Fantasy Football League?
By: Lily Hass (@flannelGoddess) It all started with a Tweet. For some ungodly reason I thought a fantasy league where there were very few options at three positions would be incredibly funny. Apparently several other people also thought this would be a very fun idea. Being that you don’t have to really manage a team…
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MLB Sunday Lowlights
News you do want to miss. By: Celeste Spaghetti This week was full of weird gaffs and objectively terrible news in MLB. So much so that we couldn’t narrow it down to just five lowlights. *Editor’s Note: This article discusses domestic violence. Please consider donating to the National Domestic Violence Hotline here. Honorable Mention: Dave…
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Breaking: Woman Good at Sport
By: Al Wes September 9, 2023 We have reached the time of year where baseball is ending and football is beginning. There is not a shortage of manly sports to watch on TV no matter what time of day you watch it. But, did you know, women are also playing sports at an elite level,…
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It’s the Most Annoying Time of the Year
By Sam Reeves Hello there readers of ASS content! If you are reading this you may need help protecting yourself from the worst time of year: Fantasy Football, gambling, and annoying commercial season. I am quite aware that gambling is an all-around season. However, during football season, both college and NFL, it’s up to an…
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MLB Sunday Lowlights
News you do want to miss. By: Celeste Spaghetti (@SpaghettiC11) Compared to last week, this week’s lowlights feel like a slow burn (unless, perhaps, you’re a White Sox fan). Honorable Mention: Tuck-N-Roll Tommy 5. Joey Gallo TOOTBLAN 4. Padres Plummet Unfortunately, the Padres are currently in fourth place in the NL West with a 64-73…
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