By Sam Reeves

At the current time I am writing this, it is the final Tuesday of HBO’s Hard Knocks: Training Camp with the Chicago Bears series. While this series is critically acclaimed and provides a great insight into the workings of an NFL team: it is ruining football. I cannot believe they let this get out into the world thinking it wouldn’t have a negative effect on the viewer. If you are confused why this is bad for the game of football, allow me to explain.

Every year NFL training camp is setup to bring in several hopeful players trying to make the 53-man roster. Usually somewhere between 85-110 men show up trying to get a shot at playing in the NFL. Just because you have a contract, doesn’t guarantee you a spot on the final 53-man roster. It is also a time to get rookies acclimated to the new normal for them after coming out of college. It is riveting television due to the high stakes of the situation.

Here is my main gripe: THIS SHOW IS MAKING ME CARE ABOUT PLAYERS PERSONALLY. Which is incredibly rude of them to do. You want me to have an emotional attachment to the 5th running back on the depth chart? Well you sonuva bitch, I now do. I can never go back to just watching grown men hit each other on the gridiron and feel nothing. Now I have to remember how much this game means to them, where they came from, how hard they worked to get there, yada yada. I want to watch and be blissfully unaware of it all.

Yes, I am aware I didn’t have to watch it, but then I’d be an asshole touting how I “dIdN’t WaTcH hArD kNoCkS” to not conform. Screw that, I hate being left out, especially when I can control it. The problem is that I did watch it and now I wish I hadn’t. I am going to be rooting for special teams players because I got to see them fight hard just to even get a special teams spot. You want me to see football players as human beings?! What is this, communist Russia?! Wait, no, that doesn’t make sense Russia would never make me see anyone as human.

The rookie showcase on the show has been great, guys going up and having to perform a song or skit after revealing their signing bonuses to the team. Theo Benedet stripping down to an eagle speedo will forever be burned in my brain. Again, it is making me learn about these guys. I don’t want to get to know them because it hurts all the more if they get cut or worst of all injured before they even get a chance.

We haven’t even gotten to the final episode for cut day, which is going to be a gut wrenching episode. Imagine being the GM or assistant GM and being filmed while you’re giving these guys bad news. Not only do you have to do something brutal, but to have it filmed and shared with a wide audience, that’s a ton of pressure. You really have to make sure you get these decisions right, which I mean, you should be doing anyway. It’s going to make me feel for a GM that I have no attachment to in any way, shape, or form.

This has been a different year for Hard Knocks as there has been no cursing in the show. Out of respect to the McCaskey family who didn’t want to have that as a brand. Now if you showed all the cursing and swearing, it might be a little more easy to handle. This just feels like a family home movie or after school special without it. You think football players, coaches, staff members aren’t swearing their heads off? That has to be a lot of self-discipline to not swear or just a shitload of editing for the Hard Knocks team.

All in all, it’s been a great series. I had never watched it before because, well the team I root for wasn’t ever included, until now. I’m glad I haven’t because then I’d be caring about players on other teams that I really don’t want to care about. So good job Hard Knocks, you’ve made me regret watching your show by being too damn good at tugging at heart strings. Bravo, you buttholes.