Let’s face it-MLB’s All-Star week just isn’t what it used to be. The entire ordeal has turned more into a spectacle than an actual competition between Major league’s best of the best.

In this article, I discuss the four major issues with the All-Star festivities, and how they can be fixed.

1. Inconsistent Pitching in the Home Run Derby

What’s the key to winning the Home Run Derby? Hint: it’s not hitting home runs.

Just ask 2021’s Derby winner, Pete Alonso, and I’m sure he would tell you that the real key to winning the Derby is having the right pitcher. Ronald Acuña, Jr. would likely agree. Alonso’s pitcher, Dave Jauss, is internationally known for his incredibly consistent and accurate meatballs right in the batter’s nitro zone. Here’s his pitch cast from round 1 of the 2021 Derby:

On the other hand, Acuña’s pitcher and Braves’ batting coach, Thomas Perez, left Acuña with little to swing at. Acuña lost to Alonso in the first round of the 2022 Derby.

It was at this point that Ronald Acuña Jr. regretted picking Charlie Morton as HR derby pitcher. pic.twitter.com/NluDQOPAd4

— Rob Friedman (@PitchingNinja) July 19, 2022

So, what can be done to ensure no slugger has a competitive edge in the Home Run Derby because of their pitcher? Have Danny DeVito pitch.

2. Fan Voting

Every year, more and more players deserving of the All-Star designation get snubbed from the roster. This year’s biggest snub was arguably Mariners’ 1B Ty France. France came in second in voting to Vlad, Jr. in the first round, then completely missed in the second round.

There have been several alternatives to fan voting floating around, a popular one being that players should pick.

But I have a better idea. Danny DeVito should pick.

3. Pitcher Selection

All-Star pitchers are selected by a combination of player ballots and selection by MLB commissioners. Again, this inevitably leads to several All-Star-caliber pitchers getting left off the list. Pitchers like the White Sox’s Dylan Cease and Giant’s Carlos Rodon, whose combined ERA (5.1) barely edges All-Star Josh Hader’s alone (4.35).

Most egregious All-Star snubs: Carlos Rodon, Will Smith, Ty France, Tommy Edman, Dylan Cease, Zack Wheeler, Brandon Drury, Josh Bell, Devin Williams, Aaron Nola, Kevin Gausman, Austin Riley. Many more belong (Nimmo, Reynolds, Schreiber, King). And plenty will be added this week.

— Jeff Passan (@JeffPassan) July 10, 2022

So, what can be done to improve the process? Have Danny DeVito select the All-Star pitchers.

4. Cringey Announcers

While mic’ing up players like Liam Hendriks can always be a fun time, it’s often just cringey. Alek Manoah was very entertaining on the mic, but was it really necessary to ask him in the middle of inning if he liked pitching?

Also, how many times are these old white men going to mention Tim Anderson’s “swag?”

Some have suggested replacing these announcers with better ones like Jason Benetti, who did the Statcast version of the Home Run Derby. But me? I say, replace the announcers with Danny DeVito.

America’s favorite past-time is on a downwards trajectory. Baseball needs a hero. Baseball needs Danny DeVito.